


Cuts and Bruises (Short Hiatus- Read Bio)

by orphan_account



Category: Homestuck
Genre: A lot of headcanons may be in use, Anorexia, Blood, CPR, Crokan - Freeform, Crying, Drowning, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Flushed Romance | Matesprits, Hurt/Comfort, KanCro - Freeform, M/M, Near Death, Near Death Experiences, Nightmares, On Hiatus, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Red Romance, Relapse, Sadstuck, There will be a noncon part, crokri - Freeform, cronkri - Freeform, i'll warn you before hand, just a few anyways; not a lot I promise, mentions of rape/non-con, only mentioned in one chapter, selfharm
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-06-15
Updated: 2015-08-11
Packaged: 2018-02-04 18:07:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 18,631
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1788274
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cronus can't quite find out what's wrong with his matesprit; he hasn't been acting himself lately. He looks so much smaller than usual and looks like he could pass out at any minute. Will Cronus be able to be there for his matesprit before something too terrible happens? Can he help Kankri get through this?</p><p>I'm sorry, that summary sucked so bad, the stories better I swear on it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Is He Okay?

»CRONUS' POV

You watched your matesprit as he talked to the yellow blood giving him a look of curiosity with his helmet tucked under his arm and listening intently to his moirail talk. The red blooded troll has dark bags under his eyes that are half lidded and a much darker red than you've ever seen and seems sway side to side ever so slightly as he mumbles his greetings to the Captor. Kankri hasn't been talking much throughout the past sweep, not to mention he looked like he's been avoiding sleep. 

Your eyebrows furrow in worry as you see Mituna reach out to hug Kanrki when he flinches, pulling back before realizing his actions and apologizing profusely before letting the other hug him.

He chews his bottom lip between his dull fangs, to the point he nearly draws the bright red blood that he isn't so find of; hoping Mituna would believe his excuse for his 'triggering' actions.

Mituna shrugs it off with a easy and playful punch to the shoulder and puts his all too bright, yellow helmet back on and runs to go catch up with Latula, dragging Kankri along.

You can't help but worry about him when he sways slightly on his feet as he runs along, trying to keep his balance. The question, 'Is he okay?', continuously running throughout your head but still not quite yet voiced out loud to your matesprit.

You watched as Mituna looked at his morail in a confused looking glance as the other talked to him and Latula, barely even audible at this point. A few times you swore you caught his eyes trying to flutter close but paid it no mind, passing it as a figment of his imagination. Kankri always got his sleep, you laid with him every night in your shared human bed until he closed his eyes and fell asleep in your arms. 

A few yards away you spotted Porrim, currently talking with Damara- maybe the jade blood knew what was wrong with Kan, she was like a mother to the boy and was constantly onto him for everything. At least that's what Kankri told you when he came into your shared hive, fuming over how she 'Needs to stop babying me, I am not a wriggler and should not be treated as such; it could also be potentially triggering to others such as myself, blah blah blah'.

You walked up to the Maryam, shooing Damara off and receiving a prompt middle finger and a muttered "くたばれ," As she walked off.

Porrim sighed and rolled her eyes at the your being, obviously not wanting your presence.

"What do you want now, Ampora?" She spat with a bitter tone. "I was trying to talk to, Damara as you could plainly see. Now what is so important that it couldn't wait until I was done speaking?"

"Hey nowv, don't get all feisty vwith me, kitten. I just vwanted ta talk about Kanny," You reasoned.

"What about him? If this is another question about how to get into his pants than you might as well leave now, have some respect for your matesprit and his vow you arrogant assh-" She was cut off when you put a finger to her lips; quieting her mid sentence before she could give you yet another name on the list of obscenities. 

"No, it's not that, and I havwe respect for my matesprit and his wvowvs thank you vwery much..." You stated, crossing your arms and sounding slightly offended that she would think such things from you. "I'm not that terrible of a matesprit..."

"Well what is it then?" She sighed in frustration as if just your presence around her was bothersome. Wow, so rude.

"Havwe you noticed anything, uh ... Strange... About him?"

"Define strange," Porrim demanded. Dear lord. Really? Honestly, if you knew something was wrong with him and she didn't than she must be blind.

"I don't knowv... He just isn't talking as much, he always looks so tired and he just doesn't sound or look like himself anymore. And for gog's sake I thought at least you vwould notice since you're around him all the time! " You raised your voice slightly, and it was somewhat true. Porrim was like a goddamn lusus towards Kankri, never letting him out of her sight and getting severely pissed at anyone who dare hurt or triggered 'her Kanny'.

"In all honesty...It is suffice to say that I have not spoke to him in quite a while... And you live with him, why are you asking me? Why don't you just go and ask him yourself?" Porrim scoffed.

You looked over at Kankri once more while he wasn't paying attention, keeping your violet eyes on him as you spoke.

"I don't vwant to make 'em upset by asking him... He might get pissed if I ask him somethin' that I should probably already knowv and tell me to mind my ovwn damn business like you knowv he damn vwill vwould."

Porrim watched Kankri curiously as you spoke about him. She knew how much of a pig you could be and was certain that not a single person could change your ways... But it seemed that Kankri had. He had changed you from the moment you first realized you had a flush crush on him; red feeling just starting to come to light. She's heard and seen how you act different around him, but she's never seen just how much you meant it; she just waved it off as some joke and would kill you later if you hurt his feelings. Kankri had changed your heart, selfishness and perverted ways (well- most of them anyways), opening your eyes to truly see what being in a matespritship was actually about; loving him, not pailing or showing off... Just love.

"Has Mituna talked to him about it? Better yet, does Mituna even know anythings wrong with him? I mean, he is Kanny's morail, shouldn't he know?" She inquired with a blank expression.

"Yeah, I already talked ta 'Tuna, he said Kan just told him that he vwas fine and politely asked him to stop askin' questions after a vwhile..." You said as you turned your attention back to Porrim who just sighed irritated. You couldn't blame her, you were a bit annoyed too, trying multiple ways to find out what was wrong with the shorter troll.

"Well, why don't you just go ahead and ask him? He seems to be flushed for you as much as he says he is every time I ask him, and there's no way you could possibly trigger him. You know how to do that very well and- Shit," She cursed as she looked at her PDA, receiving multiple messages that was probably, no doubt, the Megido. "Sorry, Ampora. I have to get going but good luck with Kankri!" She shouted as she started to run off into the direction of her hive.

"Porrim vwait-!" You yelled, but it was too late, She was already out of eye shot before you even got to finish the second word; sighing deeply and running a hand through your greased back hair.

'Looks like Imma have ta ask Kan myself huh? ' You thought to yourself, walking back over towards Kankri and Mituna; Latula long gone. You were merely a few yards away when you saw your matesprit swaying again and Mituna's confused and worried looking frown-- his eyes covered by his hair like always-- and asking Kankri if he was, once again, alright. He looked like he was about to drop at any minute.

You barely heard Kankri begin to reply when he crumpled to the ground, Mituna going out to catch him but interrupted by that action when you beat him to it; pulling him into your arms before he hit the hard ground.

You cradled your matesprit carefully in your arms, the small troll weighing nothing but as a feather.

"Gog dammit," You muttered under your breath. "Kan..." You shook him slightly in your grip to hopefully wake him up. "Baby vwake up..." You shook him again, only earning a whimper instead as he curled into his red sweater, that looked much to big on him now, and your chest.

"Fuck," You cursed, putting your unlit cigarette in one of your leather jacket pockets and picking up Kankri bridal style; making your way back towards your shared hive after telling Mituna he was okay; you would take care of him.

But even now you weren't sure of your own answer, hoping that you were right as you walked to your hive which wasn't all that far away. For all you know- Kankri could be seriously hurt.

He felt so light and looked so small as you carried him, the sweater a lot bigger than you can ever remember.

As you walked the rest of the way down the abandoned path, you kept silent, staring at Kankri's all too small form and listening to his every breath. You thought things over and over again until only one thing remained and ran through your head continuously;

'Is he okay?' And praying to the merciful messiahs that he was.


	2. Confessing?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cronus wants to find out what's wrong with Kankri, deciding to try and ask him when he wakes up but things don't seem too go according to plan when he takes off Kankri's sweater...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tw: Self harm, Anorexia, Crying. I'm a very terrible person, I actually nearly cried while I went through editing this. I'm sorry.

»THIRD POV

Cronus lay Kankri on the bed, rushing to their respiteblock and running a cloth under cold water then ringing it out; walking back to where his unconscious matesprit lay. He sat on the edge of the human recupracoon they called a 'bed' which was introduced to them wen the humans came along, brushing Kankri's disheveled hair from his face and gently laying the cold cloth on his forehead.

'He looks so warm in that sweater,' Cronus mused over the thought of taking it off, not wanting to make Kankri feel uncomfortable or upset nor wanting him to burn up. Without a second thought he carefully took Kankri's much too big sweater off of him; biting his tongue to keep from screaming and suddenly wishing he hadn't have took it off.

What he saw made his stomach do a summersault in panic and made him want to cry for his little sweetheart and also made him pissed and want to hurt whoever made his Kanny this way.

Tears welled in the violet-bloods eyes, but refusing to cry as he looked over him. He was so scrawny, looking like skin and bones more than anything, you could see his ribs for crying out loud! He had cuts all over his inner arms from the wrist to just below his elbow.

'Please god no... Please tell me he didn't... How could I not notice this?! He's my matesprit!' Cronus was always around Kankri as much as he could, having to go back to see Eridan once in a while and that asshole who disapproved of being with a 'Mutant'. And when he wasn't there Mituna or Porrim were always there for company or checking on him every once in a while... Weren't they? 'They must have noticed something wrong with Kankri or at the least have seen some part of this!'

Cronus was broken from his thoughts when he felt something wet slide down his cheek. He growled and wiped it away. He had to be strong for Kankri; he could tell that wasn't going to last very long though.

For the rest of the day he watched Kankri sleep, only getting up if he had to use the bathroom or switch out the cold cloth for him again but that's all he's done for five hours straight. He was determined to find out what made Kan do this to himself and help him stop this... Annnd probably beat the ever-loving fuck out of whoever hurt his baby mentally or physically. Who would ever do such a thing to such a sweet troll? He's never done anything to hurt anyone, he didn't deserve this!

He continued to watch Kankri for a few more minutes before hearing Kankri start to stir from his sleep. Taking the cloth from his forehead and throwing it in a hamper in the bathroom then going to the kitchen to get a glass of cool water for the red blood.

He set the glass of water down on the nightstand beside the bed, sitting back down on the edge of it and kissing his forehead.

"Hmm?" Kankri mumbled with his eyes still closed but very much awake.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to vwake ya up,babe," He forced a tiny smile as he ran a hand through the soft as silk black hair, receiving a low purr from Kankri.

After a few minutes Kankri froze,the purring stopped abruptly and Cronus knew what was coming next. 'I really shouldn't have taken that fuckin' sweater off,' He thought as his matesprit mused over what he was trying to say before speaking.

"C- Cronus? Where is my sweater?" His voice came out shakier than he had meant for it too, mentally kicking himself for it, Not daring to open up his eyes. He knew what Cronus has seen now that he had taken off his sweater and was scared that Cronus would leave him for it, not understanding why he hasn't alread-

"Kankri did ya hear me?" Cronus said a bit louder than usual, trying to get his attention.

"Oh, no sorry, what did you say? I was lost in thought for a second. I really am sorry, it isn't like me too not listen to othe-"

"Kan..." He interrupted. He sounded more serious this time, the air around them feeling tense. "Why did you... How could you just..." Cronus couldn't say it; voice in a hushed tone as if speaking to loud would scare him off.

Kankri got the gist of what he was trying to ask and bit his lip again. 

"Cronus it is not your business, it is mine and I would like to ask if you would mind giving me my sweater back as it is quite cold in here as it is," Kankri replied back, obviously trying to avoid any of his matesprit's questions about his body or what it was he did to his body that is.

Cronus handed him his sweater, not wanting to argue with him and knowing he wasn't going to be able to keep it together if he looked at his small frame and wrists again.

"Kan... Please tell me," He tried once again. "I'm your matesprit and I lovwe you and I really vwant to knowv vwhy you're doing this to yourself... I'vwe nevwer noticed and that bothers me because I'm around you as much as I can," He continued to speak as Kankri looked anywhere but those tearful, violet eyes.

"N-no, Cronus. I said it was my body and I do not have to tel-" He stopped himself midsentence when Cronus made that face. The big watery eyes with pouty lips and fins drooped down in sadness. That always got to him."Now C- Cronus you stop that, please..." He looked away again but was forced to look at him as the seadweller took his small hands in his and pulled him into his lap, now face to face with him; straddling his lap.

"Please?" Cronus' pout intensified, only bringing tears to Kankri's eyes as he broke and slumped against him, sniffling and mumbling 'sorry' into his shoulder over and over again. Cronus wrapped his arms around his waist, pulling him close and rubbing small circles into his back to try and calm him down a bit as he started to hiccup and cry.

"Shh... Kan please don't cry... You're gonna make me cry and that's not gonna vwork out vwill it? Both a us cryin' ain't going ta help anythin'..." He crooned into the soft hair of his matesprit. Kankri only cried more though, his body trembling in Cronus' hold. "Shh, calm dowvn darling..."

'How am I supposed to tell him? That I just don't want to eat? That I just want to die?' thought the red-eyed troll as he cried into his love's shoulder and clutched his white shirt in his hands, body racking with sobs. He honestly wanted to tell Cronus but how? How was he supposed to tell him without crying the entire time or wanting to just hide from everyone? 'I'll just have to tell him I guess...' he decided, trying to calm his ragged breathing and stream of tears all the while trying to figure out how he could tell Cronus all of this without falling apart.

After a few minutes of Cronus helping him calm down Kankri started to speak, though he was still a stuttering wreck.

"I-I just... I- I'm- I can't-" He was silenced with a finger pressed gently to his lips, a hand reaching up and cupping his face and the pad of Cronus' thumb brushing away his tears; he leaned in and kissed the tip of his nose, receiving a slight smile and cherry-red blush.

"Just take your time, svweetheart," He spoke softly, every touch and kiss he placed upon the red-blooded troll like as if he were glass and could break if he wasn't gentle enough. "You tell me vwhen you're all good and ready, 'aight? It don't havwe to be today but I'd like it ta be soon if you can..."

Kankri leaned against Cronus one more time, arms wrapping around his neck in a hug, nuzzling his face into his chest; the sent of cheap cologne and cigarettes filling his nose.

"Flushed for you, Cronus..." Kankri purred, finally starting to calm down more. The violet-blooded troll smiled at the meowbeast like purr coming from the other, running a hand through his hair and whispering back;

"Flushed for you too, Chief," Kissing the the top of his head and waiting for him too speak, not wanting to rush him and make him cry again.

He could wait forever if he had too, as long as Kankri was safe and in his arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, here's a tissue and a virtual hug, blankets and a video of the cutest kittens ever--> https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=loab4A_SqoQ


	3. Let Me Lovwe You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cronus learns everything about his matesprit that he wished he would have learned a LOT sooner,and decides to help cheer him up a bit!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ((Here's where it's STILL getting sad but also where it gets happy!I'm terrible at writing,so if you've bared to read this far,I am so proud of you!Btw this is in Cronus' POV))

It had been a few hours since he started talking to you, telling you everything starting with the reason why he's so small. You've found out that he's been anorexic, a term he's learned from the humans, for about 6 months already. Of course, you were confused by the term he used, not having to use much explaining until you got the gist of it.

He had been good at hiding it with all of his bulky sweaters and all but he was starting to feel dizzy for a few weeks afterwards, sometimes to the point where he would sometimes pass out, which explains earlier. When you had asked why he did it he had told you because he was fat; ugly. It didn't matter how many times you tried to reassure him that he was far from it, he was beautiful and die just the way he was. Little to nothing did it change his thoughts; that's what he saw in himself and nothing could change that it seemed.

He told you how fat he was and how much he hated it, the only way being as he thought would to be not eating. That at first it was just skipping a few meals and not a big deal until just the thought of food made him sick and he just puked it back up; it wasn't that he just wouldn't eat... he couldn't eat either. He was fine when he told you all of this, cracking up a bit and not crying, occasionally tearing up once or twice. But when you asked about his wrists... he immediately started to tear up and asked for a moment before he spoke. 

You spent a couple of minutes holding him and telling him it's okay before he started again; this time sitting in your lap while you coddled him.

You didn't miss a single heart beat as he spoke, listening to every detail he said and not zoning out like you usually would in his conversations or speeches. By the time he was done speaking he wasn't the only one in tears. Violet tears had somehow made their way down your cheeks, crying silently into his hair and holding him to you tightly. Like you had said- you couldn't hold it in that long; you weren't that strong when it came to Kankri. Especially when he was hurting... It tore you apart to know how he's been falling apart in front of your very eyes without you even giving it a second thought until now.

"You are not ugly, you are n-not fat, a freak of nature, and definitely not a mutant!" You whisper shouted, placing a chaste kiss to his forehead then hugging him again. "Please stop... I'm s-sorry I nevwer noticed bef-fore... I'm so vwery sorry and I'll try and be a better matesprit, I p-promise, I vwill..."

Kankri listened to your rambling and promises to him, pulling back a bit to look you in the eyes and caresses your face, studying you. When he spoke next, his voice was a little raspy from all the crying and talking, but you could still understand him clearly enough to make out his words.

"You have no reason to be sorry, I do. A- and you wouldn't have known that I did this because I kept it secret this long, not because you're a bad matesprit. You are the best matesprit I could ever ask for and that's why I'm with you. I love you more than anything and it's not your fault. Okay?" The small troll reassured kissing your cheek. "I-I'm sorry that I did this to myself and I p-promise I'll try to get better okay? I'm s-sorry and I'll never do it again... for the both of u-us, okay?"

"Okay, nowv come on..."you forced a smile, wiping away your violet tinted tears and Kankri's red ones, grabbing his hand and helping him up off the bed. You fixed your clothes as well as he did too, tugging on his sweater and walking out the door and down a trail to somewhere you knew would cheer you both up. You would do anything in your power to help him. Though you knew it wouldn't stop immediately and the pain wouldn't simply just go away- you were here to help him to try an get through this. It wasn't about how you felt, it was about him. He was the one hurting and he was the one that's going through all of this but maybe, just maybe, you could make all this pain fade away. Yes, it would take a lot of time, but you were willing to spend your time doing just that.

Kankri held onto your hand tightly, staying close and still a little wobbly on his feet. "Where are you taking me?"

"Well I knowv you still aren't so keen about the idea of eatin' right now, soooo I vwanted to showv ya somefin real quick, then maybe take you out somevwhere too eat," you said thoughtfully, hoping that maybe he could eat just a little bit later so he could get back on track and not die from starvation. Literally. "Sound good?"

He stayed silent for a minute, just walking along with you and staring ahead before nodding his answer. "Yes... That sounds alright," he smiled at you, this one real and not forced or fake.

"Alrighty then, nowv close your eyes!" You say excitedly, you wanted this to be a surprise after all. He sighed and closed them just like you had asked and letting you drag him along.

"Cronus, please do not bump me into anything. I'm not saying that I don't trust you! I just- accidents happen and I really don't want to get hur-ah!" Kankri yelped as you scooped him up in your arms again without warning. "C-Cronus Ampora!" He scolded, probably scared shitless by the way he's clinging onto you.

"Yeah, Svweetheart?" You said with a smirk that would make any of the other trolls swoon over you, but not as much as Kankri seemed to; blushing like crazy and hiding his face into your shoulder. You chuckled, walking the rest of the way down the pathway, stopping and sitting him down on a wooden surface.

"Can I open my eyes now?" He said like an excited wiggler on 12th perigree, or as humans called it "Christmas", but nevertheless kept his eyes closed. You grinned, taking off your shirt and jacket, not bothering with your pants as that would be too far, but ending up doing it anyways as you don't want your pants to get ruined either.

"Not yet~" You replied, elation evident in your tone. You took off your socks and shoes, putting them on the grass along with your clothes, now only in your boxers then sprinted off into a run and jumped into the water, making an audible splashing noise; yelling 'Now!' Before you went under.

What Kankri saw next visibly took his breath away, and not just from the near heart attack you almost gave him when you jumped into the water, but from the view.

He was sitting on the the very edge of the deck, that you had currently just jumped off of, which was in the middle of the lake. The sun was still out, not close to setting quite yet, the streams of light through the trees glistening off the water. Around was the smell of many flowers and tall, obviously uncut, grass; all sorts of beautiful flowers and plants growing in the fields. It was absolutely beautiful and it still took your breath away even though you've been here quite a few times. You visited her often with Kankri while you two were kids, it had been nothing but a muddy field then. But with a little... Ahem 'Science' you ha turned it into this.

You watched Kankri's entire reaction from under the water, a grin spreading across your face as you arose from the surface, resting your upper half against the dock; arms crossed and head resting on them.

"Vwhat d'ya think?" You said in a calmer tone than you never knew you were even capable of. Kankri jumped a bit, obviously not paying attention.

"Sorry what did you say? I didn't quite catch that," He said with the most cutest confused face you've ever seen. You smiled, showing off your sharp, shark-like teeth.

"I said," continuing as you raised yourself up the rest of the way onto the deck, "Vwhat do ya think?" you repeated once more, sitting down beside him and gazing off at the view.

"It's absolutely beautiful... how did you find this place? Surely you couldn't have found it all on your own, I mean-not to be rude, but it is a fairly small place and it looks like it's really deep in the woods... and you hate the wo-why are you looking at me like that?" He stopped his questions, looking at you with a look similar to your 'are-you-fucking-serious-right-now' look.

"Just enjoying the view," you smiled. 'Nice Ampora, that's probably the cheesiest things you've said in all of your sweeps', but weren't too worried about that thought when a red tinted blush spread across his cheeks and he looked away.

"I-I'm ugly... why would you want to s-see that?" He whispered sadly, the next part hushed as if you shouldn't hear it, "W-why are you even my matesprit... no one s-should live anyone like me..." Your fins drooped and smile turned into a frown. You hated when he said things like that, it was so sad to know that your matesprit said those things about himself, but that saddest part of all was he believed it. He truly believed what he just said was true.

"Kanny... You are not ugly and I don't care howv many times you say you are, you aren't ugly, do you understand me? You are the most beautiful troll I havwe evwer laid eyes on and I'm glad you're my matesprit, I'm glad that I chose you. Just think, I could havwe chose anybody else ta be in my red quadrant, but you knowv vwhy I didn't? Because I lovwe you! I'm flushed for you because you're you. You're funny, beautiful, smart an' you're really cute vwhen you get really interested about vwhat your talkin' about an make that sweet little face-" You took an intake of breath, "I absolutely adore you and if you don't believwe that you're beautiful and that you're lovwed, go ask Porrim, 'Tuna, Karka-" You were stopped short when Kankri just shook his head and sniffled.

"B-but they're family and Mitina's my morail... They're required to s-say that... It doesn't have to be true when they say it, as long as they say it and I 'believe it' a-and it 'makes me feel good about myself'... For all I kn-know they could care less about me and hate my being as much as everybody else d-does," he choked out through a few stutters, trying not to cry as he spoke his thoughts out to you."They probably don't even l-love me..." A tear ran down his cheek and you were wrapping your arms around him in an instant.

"Then let me lovwe you...okay? Let me showv you howv much I lovwe you and howv much I care... okay?" You smiled a bit, kissing him on the lips and caressing his small face, wiping away his tears with the pad of your thumb.

"Let me showv you that it doesn't matter vwhat they think, that it only matters vwhat's true and, babydoll..." You pecked him on the lips again,"Vwould I evwer lie ta you? 'Havwe' I evwer lied to ya?" You inquired, pulling him into your lap and laying down with him against your chest; peering into each others' eyes for a moment longer before he responded with a quiet 'no'.

"Exactly... Nowv do you believwe me?" Another kiss, this one lasting a bit longer, both hands on his waist with his resting on your shoulders. Kankri pulled back and smiled.

"Th-thank you, Cronus...I'm s-sorry that I'm over reacting... it's just... Gotten to me over the years," He said, laying his head against your chest and listening to the sound of your heart.

"I knowv, darling... But you'vwe got ta let it go," You turned your head as best as you could, kissing the tip of his nose. "I knowv it isn't going to go avway just like that but I'll help you as long as you'll let me..."

"Okay..." He murmured against you lips, leaning in once more to initiate a kiss this time, his lips moving soft and slow against yours, surprising you when he was the one to deepen it and moving so he could straddle you; in a more comfortable position now.

You smirked to yourself as you wrapped an arm around his waisy to pull him closer; chests flush against eachother. Sure, he may have gotten a little wet from you being in the lale but, eh. Maybe you could show Kankri just how beautiful he was sometime. Sometime as in whenever he's let you move your hands somewhere else than just his waist and up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ((I'm sorry...maybe...a tiny little bit.If you don't like to read nsfw/smut/lemon,what ever you want to fucking call it,just let me know!*hint hint*Hope you liked it and that I didn't make my writing even more suckish by writing in second person POV and please do not comment on the chapter titles,stfu I already know they're weird))


	4. Please Be Okay...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cronus an Kankri decide to have some fun and mess and pick at eachother but what happens when the Aquarius finds out that the other can't swim?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ((So this is the 4th part guys.Change of events,there isn't nsfw in this chapter,but there will be in probably the next 5th or 6th part.I promise!Btw,this is now in Kankri's POV,I had to))

A/N: I'm sorry, Ahaha- not really. I love these two douches but I will never stop being cruel to either of them.  
________________________  
»KANKRI'S POV

You lay against Cronus a bit tiredly on the deck but yet fully awake at the same time. It was almost completely dark out by now, the moon and stars starting to show more brightly.

Cronus had one arm wrapped around your shoulder, the other draped across your waist; you're practically laying on top of him. He looks absolutely beautiful like this, the moon hitting his features perfectly and making him look like an angel bathed in moonlight too you.

You continued to watch him, hoping that he doesn't notice as you do, that would be embarrassing and hard to explain to him why you were just staring at him. Neither of you talked or moved, just lied there and be in the comfort of each other.

At one point Cronus had just barely opened his eyes to peek at you without notice and smiled, hugging you tighter to him so now that you were actually laying on top of him. You slapped a hand over your mouth after you let out a girly sounding giggle, cheeks tinting a faint cherry-red as you hid your face in his side. Cronus let out a low chuckle that rumbled through his chest.

"Awv, vwhy you hidin, Chief?" He chides, smirk on his face obvious in his voice even though it's almost inaudible, running a hand through your hair as he waits for your answer.

Asshole.

"Nothing," You snap, not wanting to give him the satisfactory of being the complete jackass that he is right now, not giving in... Yet.

"Kanny~" He whines, dragging the 'y' at the end of that annoying nickname that he gave you out in a pleading and obviously whining tone. Nope, not yet.

"What?"

"You're lyin' to me..." He pouts."You knowv I don't like it vwhen you lie," Cronus says truthfully. In all sincerity, yes, he does hate it when you lie to him but at the moment he's just being playful and is merely trying to get you to tell him; irritating you to no end. You are not going to give in. As long as you don't look into those violet pouting, watery eyes you won't.

He makes a whining sound trying to get you too look at him as if he knew what you were thinking. You don't, instead burying your face even more into his side, making a slight noise of agitation yourself as he continues to ask and plead for you too just 'admit' to god knows what.

The next thing you regret as you, without thinking, go to glare at him. You don't even get close to make yourself look upset with him, now huffing and pushing at his shoulder playfully; mocking anger.

"Why must you torment me? You know I hate it when you make that fac-stop it!" You yell as his pout intensifies even more, fins drooped down, eyes wide and watery and bottom lip protruded outwards trembling slightly, acting like he's going to cry.

He sniffles and asks in a quiet voice sounding like a wriggler who got nothing for their wriggling day;

"P-please don't yell at me..." He pleads one last time before you won't take it anymore and do something that you know will make Cronus stop that pouting face; you make yourself start to cry and remove yourself from him, moving over to sit at the edge of the deck, feet resting in the water as you sniffle and candy-red tinted tears slowly start to make their way down your cheeks.

He immediately stops, but his fins stay down low as he realizes what he's done, sitting up fully and looking at you with a guilty look.

"Kan?" He inquires, concern leaking in his voice but you don't answer him, keeping your head down low and sniffling every once in a while and letting out a tiny hiccup like you always do when you really cry. You wipe at the tears on your face that are only replaced with new ones.

Cronus now stands up and sits by you, reaching out to hug you but you jerk away before he can, almost falling in the lake if you didn't grab onto the deck.

"Baby... please, I'm sorry, really.I vwas just playing vwith you, I d-didn't-" He clears his throat when he hears his voice crack then continues. "I didn't mean to make you cry, I really vwas just playin' around," He says in an apologetic tone, completely believing that you're actually crying.

"B-but you sh-should have known when to s-stop like you always d-do..." You force yourself to stutter and hiccup over your words, more tears still streaming down your face. You keep your head down, knowing that if you look him in the eyes you'll start laughing and ruin all of this.

"Kankri, please don't cry..." He sounds like he's about to cry now, reaching over and hugging you, you burying your head in his chest so you still don't have to look in his eyes. "Svweetheart, I vwon't do it again, I promise. I'll-are you fuckin' laughing?" His grip around you loosening a bit as he tries to decide wether your crying or laughing.

You're snickering slightly,trying not to laugh as you keep your face hid from him.You fail miserably as you start bursting out laughing,now crying with laughter.He growls playfully.

"That's not fair, you can't do that!"  
He says pushing you back enough so he can look at you smiling, wiping the tears away from your face.

"Last time I heard, that was never a rule," You remarked, now putting a hand over your mouth to keep from laughing to loud, your sides and stomach starting to ache from how hard you're laughing.

"It is nowv you little faker, I thought I actually made you upset and cry, that isn't funny! Vwhat vwould you havwe done if I did tha-oh that's it!" He says grinning and showing his shark-like teeth when you merely continue to laugh. You're confused by that statement, what is he going to do?

"What do you me-AH! Cronus! Put. Me. Down!" You exclaim, holding onto him for dear life as he picks you up again without a warning. You continue to cling to him, not wanting to be dropped or fall into the water.

After all, no matter how embarrassing it may seem and you hate to admit, you don't know how to swim so that wouldn't end out to well on your being. To your complete and utter shock he actually manages to get you off of him and throwing you into the water. Before you can tell him not to, you're already under the water, trying to swim back up but can't even move at this point as you just move and thrash around uselessly.

Cronus was laughing at first when he threw you in the lake, never knowing or having heard that you didn't know how to swim,expecting you to be resurfacing by now...but you didn't; not having a second thought. Now you were starting to sink, becoming lightheaded as Cronus became worried.

"Kan, this isn't funny, come on!" He called out to you, assuming that you were just pulling his leg again. It was 45 seconds and your vision started to get black, was he even concerned that you weren't swimming back up?

The last of the breath you have left slips past your lips and now you can't breathe, sinking farther and farther in the dark and cold abyss of endless water.

Cronus sees a bubble of air reach the surface and his eyes widen, complete dread feeling him as he realizes that you aren't messing with him and are actually drowning.

"Fuck!" He swears, jumping into the water and looking for you, eyes scanning everywhere for you. He's starting to panic as he can't see you; it's way to dark for the bare eye to see.

It registers that he can't see you, it's too dark and he will probably never find you and oh my god! You're going to die!  
You, Kankri Vantas, are going to drown and die because your matesprit can't see you!

Your eyes flutter close and the only thing you can hear his the pounding of your heart and blood rushing in your ears. You know you're about to pass out for the lack of oxygen, you just keep on thinking about how much you love Cronus and hope that he won't do anything stupid when and if you do die.

You're about to pass out before you see a bright violet glow behind your eyelids and someone's familiar voice screaming your name. You try to open your eyes or reach out but it feels like your limbs are lead and your eyelids are being weighed down.

Just before you feel yourself slip away into unconsciousness you feel a strong hand wrap around your waist and the violet light way to bright for your liking; your last thought is 'I love you Cronus' and pass out... maybe forever now.  
__________________________  
»THIRD POV

Cronus pulls uphold matesprits limp form, his entire body glowing violet after he whispered a spell he learned from his lusus, not having to use his 'science stick' with this one. He's panicking inside, swimming as fast as he can to get Kankri back up onto the deck.

As soon as he lays him down on the deck, far away from the water, he stops glowing, tears starting to roll down his cheeks.

"Kankri?" He calls out the unconscious trolls name, but he doesn't get a response. He listens for Kankri's breathing, not hearing a single breath but feeling a weak pulse that is rapidly slowing when he presses two fingers against the inside of his wrist. "Baby, p-please wake up..." His voice cracks.

He doesn't know what to do, he's too shocked before he realizes something that he learned from what the humans had taught them. Something called CPR or some shit like that- that doesn't matter right now.

He takes a second to remember what he's doing before feeling for his pulse one more time and beginning that weird ass CPR thing. Compressions then stops, listens for his heart beat then starts again; the whole procedure repeatedly until he starts to lose his own breath.

After a few minutes Cronus stops and pulls back, listening for your breath but still doesn't hear anything, pressing his mouth back to yours and trying to get you breathing again, anything to get his sweetheart back.

As he continued to try and get you to breathe and pulse back up, he only thought one thing repeatedly, more violet-tinted tears spilling from his eyes and onto your cheeks, that one thought like a prayer to him right now;

'Please be okay...'  
__________________________  
A/N: Well that took a sharp turn of events didn't it? Bet ya'll didn't expect that did you? Go ahead and tell me how much you all hate me, but I'll make it up to you all, I did give you the most worse possible cliffhanger!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ((Well that took a sharp turn of events didn't it?Bet ya'll didn't expect that did you?Go ahead and tell me how much you all hate me,but I'll make it up to you all,I did give you the most worse possible cliffhanger!)) ~CND


	5. He's....dead?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cronus can't seem to get his matesprit to breath...or open his eyes.Is he dead?(sorry for the crappy summary,I'm loosing inspiration for this since I'm working on writing a humanstuck Cronkri.But I am determined to finish this to the end.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ((Here's the next chapter,sorry for being so long!I hope you like this one and please excuse me for any errors or typos,I have to type this on mobile :/ Sorry it's so short. Enjoy!)) ~CND

A/N: Soo, I'm sorry this chapter is so short but I'll make it up later to you guys somehow? Tw: #drowning #near death #cpr #negative thoughts.  
________________________  
»CRONUS' POV

After a few minutes of doing compressions on Kankri's chest and doing everything you possibly can to get him to breathe you give up. He isn't breathing and it's all your fault and violet tinted tears are running down your face. He can't be dead. He can't! You would give your life for him but right now it seems futile.

 

You rest your head against his chest as you hold him close, crying softly and wishing he would just wake up instead of the thought of the soft sound of raspy breathing or the steady movement of his chest plaguing your mind that is sure not to come. You're too busy crying and mentally dying because you've killed your matesprit; the only one that's ever truly loved you.

In your moment of sobbing and cradling Kankri in your arms you feel something warm touch your shoulder, but refuse to see who or what it is. Kankri is the only one you care about right now. You've lost him and no one is going to take your attention away from him for as hard as they try.

Eventually, after a few seconds, you look to see what's touching you and see that it's Kankri... wait. Holy shit he's opening his beautiful crimson eyes and breathing and coughing up the water that had seeped inyo his lungs; the only thing you can manage is to cling to him and cry harder. He tries to talk to you and get you to stop crying but it's useless at this point because you almost lost him forever.

Kankri runs a shaky hand through your wet hair and holds onto you. It should be you who is comforting him but you can't bring yourself to as you ramble on and on about how sorry you are and how it's all your fault. You know it's not enough, it never will be. You nearly took his life! How could a simple apology fix that?!

"I'm s-so sorry, Kan! I d-didn't knowv you couldn't svwim I vwouldn't havwe d-done it if I kn-knewv-"

"Cronus..."

"I really am sorry, I- I understand if you vwant to leavwe me but I really a-am sorry, I vwould nevwer d-do that to you-"

"Cronus,"

"I may be a terrible m-matesprit but I lovwe you and I'm s-so glad you're okay a-are you ma-"

"Cronus!" He rasps out.

That time you heard him. He hugs you tightly before pulling back and kissing you quickly on the lips, trembling worse than a leaf in a thunderstorm. You're no better as your body shakes as you kiss him back needly, having almost lost him. How could you be so stupid? He... How could he be kissing you right now? You nearly killed him and he still loves you?

After a few minutes you give him your leather jacket to him in hopes of him not being any colder than he already is, swooping him up off his feet and into your arms as you start walking back to both of yours' hive. You murmur soft apologies into his jet black, soaked hair, holding him close to you chest as you try to make it to your hive before he gets a cold from being outside while wet. 

He buries his face into your chest and clings onto you as you walk. He's shivering in your grasp and trying to get closer as he furrows his eyebrows in discontent at the low temperature.

Tonight could have gone better if it weren't for pushing him. Maybe you could make it up to him tomorrow after you both got some sleep.

It's been a tiring day after all!  
__________________________  
A/N: Ahaha, I am not worthy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ((Once again sorry that it's been so long but here you go!I plan to write a lot more now but highschool is a pain in the ass,so please don't pressure me.I'll try to have a new chapter or two every week!)) ~CND


	6. Sick: Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kanny gets sick from being in all that cold water last night and Cronus is the one to care for him and nurse him back to health on his own...for now anyways.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ((Sorry I my chapters are really short ;A; I'm trying.Anyways this is just the next day after their little incident and its just hella fluff.At least I think I can call it that.Okay enough talking-enjoy!)) ~CND

A/N: Tw: #fluff #mentions of nudity; getting a bath #sickness; just a fever (nothing like vomiting or anything) Enjoy~!  
__________________________  
»THIRD POV

The next day when Cronus wakes up and sees his matesprit in the state in which he looks like he has a fever, he had to say it wasn't really unexpected. But then again he did almost drown in freezing water and was out in the cold air afterwards last night. Here his red blooded lover was curled up in the duvet, sweating slightly and letting out a few coughs every now and then. He was shivering and his face was flushed red in fever as he whined from the uncomfortable situation he found himself in.

Cronus tenderly pressed the palm of his had to Kankri's forehead, immediately pulling back at the burning heat. Kankri's body heat was always warm, if not a little too warm; what did he expect. But this was way different. It felt like he was holding his hand directly in front of a furnace.

The Cancer whimpered as Cronus pulled his hand away from his head. Kankri whined again and leaned into the cool touch of Cronus' chest. It felt good to have something cool against his burning and shivering mess of a body.

Trolls rarely got sick due to the thickness of their skin, seadwellers more so, raising the Aquarius' on how he's supposed to take at of his little bundle of a sick matesprit. He wasn't worried about catching whatever the other had, it was a 10% chance that he even could get it. No, he was more focused on what Kanny had and how in the hell he was supposed to help or cure him.

He wrapped Kankri up in the blankets and cradled him in his arms, yawning and rubbing at his bleary red eyes and curling up into Cronus' chest once again.

"Hey,Kanny... You okay there, babe?" 'Fucking idiot. Of course he wasn't okay!' "Shit, sorry babe... a course ya aren't... Do you need anythin'?" The violet blood rambles as he runs a hair through the black soft tufts of the small Vantas' hair.

A soft purr emanates from Kankri's chest along with a few ragged and breathy trills. His throat and lungs still felt like they were rubbed down with sand paper in the inside, hurting each time he spoke, swallowed or breathed. He really didn't feel like talking and probably couldn't, managing as loud as a whisper when he spoke to Cronus.

The words Kankri spoke were hardly even understandable, if not incoherent by this point to the seadweller.

Cronus leaned his ear down to hear Kan a bit better, asking for him to politely repeat it with an apologetic tone. He hated making Kankri repeat himself when he knew he was in a state like this.

"B... Bath?" Kankri croaks out.

"A bath? Eh, you're all svweaty and shit from this fevwer, I guess you should get one after all, Ey?" He pauses for a moment before speakin once again. "You vwant me ta help vwash ya up or do you just vwant me to get it ready and let you do your ovwn thing?" He asks as he carries Kankri to the bathroom and running the water, making sure its cool enough to try and bring down his fever, if even just a tad bit.

"Will... will you g-get in with m... Me?" He pleads half-hearted. How could he say no to him? Especially with how much he pitied this troll? He was the sweetest troll that he knew and he couldn't see how anyone could treat him so badly that would make him want to harm himself all those times.

By the the time Cronus gets Kankri's clothes off along with his own, the tub is full of cool water and he's picking Kankri up again. The Aquarius carefully set Kankri down into the tub, getting in as well and sitting behind him; legs on either side of him.

After an hour or two, the Cancer was half asleep against Cronus, leaning against him with his head buried in his neck. Cronus, ashamed a bit about the fact, was just a tad squeamish around his matesprit; they were naked and pressed up against each other. What else did you expect from the Ampora? He shook his head to regain his thoughts and focused on the subject at hand, it's no good to have your fucking bulge out while trying to take care of your matesprit; none at all. His eyes were long since shut and he was purring quietly at the warmth of the water and his matesprit. Cronus smiled and finished rinsing out his hair before picking Kanny up again and starting to dry the both of them off as well as dressing them.

By the time Cronus was halfway down the hall way to lay Kankri down,cthe mutant blood was already passed out in his arms.

Cro smiled as reached their respiteblock he carefully laid the other troll down and tucked him in, getting under the blankets with him and wrapping his arms around his slim waist.

As his eyes fluttered close, the only thing he thought if was how his Kankri is okay. Sick, but not dead from the accident last night.

He kissed the sleeping troll's temple and murmured an 'I lovwe you' before letting unconsciousness take over.  
__________________________  
A/N: These assholes will be the death of me I stg.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (I PLAN on escalating this story(by escalating I mean a hell of a lot more than making out),but...I can't promise.Anyways I hope you liked this chapter!)) ~CND


	7. Sick:Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Title says it basically.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: #mentions of vomiting

»KANKRI'S POV

Kankri was, if course, awake for the rest if the night, coughing and hacking until Cronus was woken up from the abrupt and harsh noises. It hasn't done him much help to bury his face in the duvet and pillows, trying to muffle his loud noises or took those human medicine candies called 'cough drops'; it didn't cease his problem in the least.

Now the Cancer was doubled over the load gaper, ingurgitating his insides and clutching his stomach in absolute agony and misery. Cronus was kneeled down on one knee beside him, pushing his hair out of his eyes and face while rubbing slow, gentle circles into his back; trying to soothe his sick matesprit.

He wasn't throwing up from the sickness, it was more or so from half way coughing his lungs out give or take. 

"You done nowv, Kanny? Vwant me to get you a mint vwhile I go finish heatin' up the cluckbeast soup?" He inquired quietly, scrambling for the wet cloth on the sink counter. He stood and ran it under cool water, ringing it out before wiping his matesprit's face off.

Kankri merely nodded and leaned into his touch, savor ing the cool feeling of his touches on his overheated skin.

____T_I_M_E_____S_K_I_P____

By the time Kankri had gotten another shower, changed into new night clothes, bruised his teeth and and staggered out of the bathroom, Cronus had two bowls of soup and glasses of water for the both of them ready in the respiteblock. The human bed was fixed and more pillows were added to it to hopefully make laying down with a headache more bearable instead of laying on one measly, thin one.

He forced a small smile and trudged his way back to the bed, sitting down an leaning back against the pillows propped against the headboard just as Cronus was on his side.

He had his husktop placed between the two of them while they ate, watching a few movies and shows that the John Human and Porrim had suggested a while ago that he really hasn't cared for until now. Kankri didn't seem to find much wrong with them either except maybe a little boring by the way he looked. Maybe it was just because he was sick but he didn't mind what reason; he was, in no doubt, in pain and tired from the sickness.

Cronus closed his husktop, idly placing it on the nightstand beside the bed and slowly stood, gathering the long since abandoned dishes and letting them soak in the water basin before walking back to lay down with the red blood.

He let out a heavy sigh as he found him nearly asleep, pulling him into his arms and praying to god as he listened to the quiet purr and watched the steady rise and fall of his lovers chest that he would soon get better.

His prayer seemed to not go unheard of as there wasn't nearly as much coughing throught the rest of the evening; falling into his thoughts and small conversations with the other troll.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's so short :c


	8. Self Lovwin'

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: #sexual scenes #Cronus jerkin it okay? #okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a break this week! Except for tomorrow, but I'll have time to write more chapters! I'm kind of running out of ideas but I still have a few.

»THIRD POV

Cronus carded his fingers through Kankri's hair one last time before the Cancer fell asleep. Hopefully all of this would be over, then he could actually do something about his damn situation in his pants... maybe.

As much as Cronus wanted to deny the fact that he was completely innocent and had no lewd thoughts about Kankri whatsoever while he was washing him... he couldn't. Kankri was hot enough as it was and everyone be damned if him being naked didn't make him even more so.

Cronus stood up and walked into the ablutionblock, closing the door behind him and locking it before palming himself through his jeans; the image of a naked Kankri at the forefront of his mind. As long as he was quiet and Kankri didn't wake up, maybe-just maybe he could rub one out.

Cronus had the end of his t-shirt in his mouth while he shoves his hand into his boxers, whimpering Kankri's name into the fabric of his shirt as he gripped his bulge in his fist. God was he already close, he could just imagine himself begging Kankri to fuck him until he did, moaning and panting the red blood's name in his ear.

"Kanny, p-please~" he whimpered, thinking of how hard Kankri would pound into his tight nook.

The violet blood let out a shameless sound that he wouldn't even let Kankri hear as he felt himself on the brink of climax; hips bucking involuntarily into his hand.

"Yes, yes, yes~" he pleaded into his shirt as he pumped his bulge faster, keening louder than intentioned as he released his violet genetic material all over his hand.

"Kankri!" He mewled into his drool soaked shirt.

His jaw went slack as he let out, what would have been a raw lustful sound, but instead a quiet crack of his voice; shirt falling from his mouth. He panted as he slowly stroked himself until he was completely done, pulling his hand out of his pants as resting against the wall.

Cronus' eyes widened as he saw the himself.

'Fuck...' He was a complete and utter mess, violet was all over his bottoms and hand. Welp, nothing a quick shower couldn't fix but first he had the urge to check on Kan.

He grabbed a towel and wiped off his hand and took off his shirt, most of the mess hardly noticeable. Cronus opened the door and quietly walked back to the bed to see if his matesprit was awoken by the noises from his... previous actions.

He smiled and let out a sigh of relief when he saw his sleeping face, his chest slowly rising in falling as he peacefully slept through that disaster.

Cronus kissed Kankri's forehead and mumbled a quiet, "Flushed for ya, get better, baby" before staggering back into the ablution trap with a fresh pair of boxers and pajama bottoms.

'Thank god he didn't hear me...' Cronus thought to himself as he stepped into the shower.  
__________________________

Kankri opened his eyes again and stared out the window pane as his face was completely flushed red. The way Cronus moaned his name and just- no. Kankri tried to erase the noises and mental images of Cronus doing those thing to himself away from his mind to no avail. The way he moaned and said his name, listening to the needy sounds spill from his lips just- god dammit. Now he was turned on.

At least he didn't feel so sick anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to live to see the day that I stop writing short chapters.


	9. I'm sorry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cronus nearly burns down the house while Kankri's asleep. That's basically all.

»KANKRI'S POV

Kankri yawned as he sat up and stretched, his back clicking a time or two as he did so. He hissed a little when he opened his eyes, a spot of light shining from the curtains into his eyes. He stood up from his bed, the floor freezing on his feet as he closed the curtains with a groan; the room drowned in complete darkness once again.

He opened his red, bleary eyes and smiles slightly at Cronus still sleeping soundly in their bed. He looked peaceful when he was asleep, almost happier than he was awake...

'No, stop thinking like that. That's what brought you into your moods last time,' the young troll silently thought to himself. He always let himself get carried away with his thoughts and sometimes they weren't all too good.

He rubbed the sleep from his eyes and yawned again, walking to the ablution trap for a quick shower. He felt gross and- what's the word? Muggy? Yeah, that's it. He might as well clean up before Cronus woke up, he didn't want to leave Cronus all to himself. Gog knows what he'd get himself into!

It wasn't long before the Cancer was hopping out of the ablution trap and dressed in his signature red sweater and high-waisted pants that reached up to his torso; drying his hair with the hair-drying device and brushing it.

As he unplugged the device from the wall's electrical output and put it up, he heard a soft hum. Dammit Cronus why are you up.

He sighed softly and began to walk towards the foodblock, smelling the unfamiliar scent of what he assumed was food. He jumped when he heard the fire alarm go off and ran into the block, startled at what he saw. Cronus had his back turned towards Kankri, facing the what the humans called a stove; small flames scorching whatever was in the pan. He rushed over and turned the stove off, grabbing a glass of water off of the counter to quail the huge flames; putting it in the sink and turning the water on to halt them immediately.

"Cronus! What on Beforus did you think you were doing?! You could have burnt down our hive! Weren't you even thinki-"Kankri stopped abruptly when he saw his matesprit, trying to cover his violet tears and his fins drooped; bottom lip quivering.

"O-oh, Cronus, I- I'm so sorry... I didn't mean to yell I- it's just- that startled me a bit and I know I have no reason to have gone as far as yelled at you since your actions were merely unintentional but- oh, Cronus..." Kankri's ears drooped down as he stepped forward, wrapping Cronus in the tightest hug he could muster.

"I'm s-sorry, Kanny... I just vwanted to make you breakfast but I evwen m-managed to screwv that u-up... I'm a failure; I can't do anything right," he whimpered, face buried in the red bloods soft hair as he hugged him back.

"Cronus... You didn't mean to. You were only trying to do good and that's all that matters, okay? It's alright, you didn't burn the hive down and there's no damage done okay?" Kankri bit his lip as it trembled from hearing his matesprit's sobs, it broke his heart to see the toughest troll he knew to break down like this. Even from something so... Well not literally small but it didn't matter.

It wasn't long before Kankri had him calmed down and stroking his no longer greased hair that fell to the sides of his face. He offered the oh so wonderful idea of getting his husktop out again and watching a few more shows and movies; specifically Grease and the such.

They spent the past few hours cuddling on the couch and watching romcoms and cartoons until Cronus stood up and grabbed Kankri's hand.

"Cronus? What are you doing?"

"Taken ya to eat? Vwe havwen't eaten any today and since I can't cook I vwondered if I could just take you out to eat. If it's alright vwith you anyvways."

Kankri forced a small smile and stood up, not liking the thought of eating right about now... Or never. Cronus looked at him with a stern yet sad look when he saw his reaction. To anyone else, they would have seen nothing and made Kankri eat but Cronus could see the reluctance in his bright red eyes.

"I ain't gonna make ya eat much, Kanny. Just- I vwant you to eat as much as you can bare, a'ight? You can do this and I'll do it vwith you..." He reasoned. 

"I knowv you don't vwant to eat but if you can eat a little bit each day, you can slowvly build up to howv you vwould havwe ate a svweep ago... And no, you ain't gonna get fat, if anyone says anythin', tell me and I'll make 'em think twvice before they think someone has to vweigh 90 pounds or less to be beautiful. Those types of people are just askin' for trouble," he growled out. "I don't knowv much what you're going through so I can't say that I understand but I'll try too. Just let me help you."

"Thank you, Cronus... Flushed for you," he got on the tips of his toes to kiss Cronus' nose, a faint blush dusting his cheeks, from fever more likely than anything else.

"Flushed for you too, Baby," the Aquarius responded softly as he kissed the smaller's forehead and ruffled his hair. "C'mon, lets get goin' before everyone closes."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sAD BABY CRONUS IS EVERYTHING OKAY. Also I'm working on other Cronkri fics; probably why I'm sooo keen on updating, pffbt.


	10. Relapse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The title really says it all but just in case- Trigger Warning: #self harm #blood #swearing #you get it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Omg, I updated, how surprising is this; everyone celebrate. Also, I feel as if I've romanticized Kankri's depression however, I'm trying not too. If I offend anyone at all, please let me know and I will fix it! And sorry, but it's only going to get sadder...

»KANKRI'S POV

You and Mituna laughed as Cronus buried his face inside of his leather jacket, hiding the violet blush that dusted across his cheeks; his embarrassment your entertainment. He was completely purple in the face when you had started to mimic the sounds he made previously a few perigree's in the ablution trap. Your own name tumbling from your lips in a high pitched voice.

"Kan! Shut up, 'S n-not funny... It's embarrassin'..." He spoke, voice still muffled by the leather.

You let out a quiet, breathless laugh after you stopped, leaning into his side and muffling the loud sound into his arm.

"Oh, shush up vwill ya?" He mumbles, trying to curl in on himself as he shoves his face into his knees, pulling his jacket around him.

"Okay, okay, I'll stop," You said, half heartedly apologizing as you went back to playing video games with him and Mituna.  
__________________________

"Kankri?" Mituna started, pausing the game as he looked at you, taking off his helmet and placing it beside him on the couch. "What are those?" He gestured to your arms.

You frowned and looked at where he had pointed, eyes widening a bit as you pulled your sweater sleeve down to cover the exposed skin.

"I haven't a clue what you are talking about, Mituna," You said sternly.

"But there wath red markth on your armth-"

"It was probably just some thread and wool coming of of my sweater; no big deal," You snapped quietly, starting up the game again; ending all conversation.

Mituna looked uneasy, like he wanted to ask you what was wrong but, nevertheless, dropped the subject and continued to play the game.  
__________________________

You couldn't wait to spend your Wriggling Day with your matesprit later. He had told you a few weeks ago that he was going to take you out later tonight for dinner- which you weren't really up to very much but didn't deny him. 

Lately, your emotions have been all out of whack again. One moment, you would be cheerful and happy; practically the happiest troll alive. The next, you would be gloomy, anxious and nearly having and anxiety attack; the saddest thing to have ever lived on Beforus.

Today was one of those moments. As of right now, you were extremely happy, looking forward to your 'date' with Cronus tonight.

Today was possibly going to be the best Wriggling Day ever.  
__________________________

You sniffled as you gripped onto the white porcelain of the water basin, frail body trembling slightly as you tried to recompose yourself. The thoughts were getting to you.

You promised Cronus you wouldn't do this; that you would stop doing this to yourself but here you are, wrists, thighs and stomach covered in thin and shallow white and red cuts. Some were old but most of them were new as you silently sobbed into your arms, face buried into them and forehead resting against the sink.

What if he found out? Mituna nearly had earlier and god knows what Cronus would do if he even thought about you resorting back to this.

You didn't know what else to do. You used to be able to tell what was wrong but now you don't even remember why you're doing this to yourself. 

You jump as you hear a quiet knock outside the ablution block, silencing yourself.

"Kankri? You in there?"

Cronus.

"Yes," You managed to rasp out, trying to at least seem like you're fine as if not to worry him. 

You don't want him to find out but at the same time you do. You don't want him to find out because then he'd know that you broke your promise, he'd think that you were an attention whore or probably leave you but at the same time you wanted him to find out; to tell him. You wanted him to hold you and tell you it would be okay even though you would probably deny it later on. Like right now.

It could never get better. You were hopeless, a mutant, a freak. And sometimes you wonder if all you are is just a fling to Cronus. To you, he's your moon and stars but what about you? Were you just an excuse to get into somebodies pants? Build up all your trust and flushed feelings until you gave him permission to go that far? To break your vow and then leave you and brag about it to everyone? You couldn't bare to think of the thought; you loved him too much and your heart just aches for it not to be true like your dreams.

"You okay? Can I come in?" Shit.

"U-uh, no, I'm fine. I'll be out in a few, I'm just taking care of some things for a moment."

That was a terrible excuse that not even the pits of hell could have came up with. Did you really think he would have bought that-

"Alright, Kan. I'll be going to hang out vwith 'Tuna and the guys for a vwhile... Vwill you be okay vwhile I'm out?" He informs.

You don't see why he has to ask you, why should he? It's his choice and most certainly not yours, he needed to be with others too; being cooped up with one person all the time couldn't be all too great though you still enjoyed each other's company. But, coming home to the other after being away was also better.

"Yes, I'll be f-fine," You choke out, "Have fun, Cronus."

"See ya later Kanny-babe," The seadweller said before going off to hang out with the others.

"Happy Wriggling Day..." You whispered as you looked at yourself in the mirror.

Your eyes were puffy and red, irritated from crying so much. You grabbed a nearby washrag from the towel rack and ran it under cold water, cleaning off the dried blood and grabbing bandages and rubbing alcohol.

God, this was going to hurt like a bitch.

The alcohol stung like hell as you applied it to the fresh wounds, making you hiss in pain but continuing to clean each and every one of them. You really didn't want to get them infected, then you would have to tell Cronus about it.

After that was done, you carefully began to wrap the bandages around your wrists, then thighs, and lastly, stomach.

Tugging your signature red sweater and high-waisted pants back on then starting to clean up any traces of blood around the block. You opened the door quietly, trudging your way into your respite block and laying down on the platform; wrapping the blankets tightly around yourself before falling into a much needed sleep.

Fuck eating. You've gone without it for three days so far, you could go longer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, just getting back into the sadstuck zone again. Who else, other than myself, is happy that I updated (even though this update is sad/terrible)? I'm giving you all all kinds of chapters and I'll be updating more frequently now! (I make no promises bc, y'know, anything could happen and that changes :/ )


	11. Realizing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cronus realizes how much of a douche he is. Jk. He just realizes ONE of the mistakes he's made.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is like EXTREMELY short ;n;

»CRONUS' POV

You forced a laugh as Mituna fell on his back for the millionth time whilst trying to contain his own. You didn't want to gain Meenah's concerning looks again. Or Porrim's for that matter. The Virgo had asked you plenty of questions before as soon as you had arrived to the party: "Why didn't Kankri come?" "Where's Kankri?" "Is Kankri Okay?" "How are you and Kan-" blah, blah, blah. 

It didn't seem to have stopped with her. Latula, Meenah and Mituna had asked you plenty of enough times just as much.

They had nearly damned talked your ears off and you had to walk out for a minute before walking back in and hanging out by the higher bloods for a while.

It had soon gotten boring and you started to dwell on how upset and off putting Kankri had sounded before you left him... All alone and- fuck. On his Wriggling Day! You had forgotten all about it. Christ, you promised him that you would celebrate it with him no matter how much he argued with you that it didn't matter. You could tell behind his forced scowl and saying so on how much you didn't have to and he hated it that he was actually happy and looking forward to it. 

And you lied. You broke your promise and oh he must hate you right now.

You made an excuse to leave early and threw on your leather jacket, walking out as starting up your two-wheeled motor device that the humans had introduced to you.

You had to make this up to him.  
__________________________  
»KANKRI'S POV  
~o~o~o~o~o~o~  
Your frown deepened as Cronus and the others yelled at you, throwing slurs and hateful words at you. You tried to withhold your tears, backing up until you were up against a wall of the brick building- when did that get there? Where even were you? You don't even remember waking up this morning...

You cried out as a punch was swung at you, cracking your head against the bricks as well as breaking your nose from the force of the blow; pain shooting in your face. What did you do to them? Was it because you were annoying? Because you spoke to much? Did you say something that offended them? What did you do to them that made them hate you so much?!

"Freak!" Someone called out as your candy red blood ran down your face.

It was because of your blood.

Another punch.

You were a freak.

A kick to the side as you fell down.

You are worthless.

Another to the face then stomach.  
~o~o~o~o~o~o~  
You woke up with a breathless cry, bolting up in your bed only to have pain start in your stomach and thighs.

It was just a dream. Thank god.

"Kanny?" You heard your matesprit murmur, sitting up next to you in the platform. "You okay, baby?" He said, wrapping his arms gently around your waist.

Were you? No... Did you want to tell him that? Hell no.

"Yeah... Yeah, I'm fine Cronus," You forced a smile in his direction.

"Okay... Are you sure-"

"Yes," You snapped. You didn't mean to and immediately regretted it as soon as it came out, eyes softening when he cowered back.

"Alright, sorry for askin'... G'night, Kankri..." He mumbled before laying down and facing away from you.

Great. Now you made him upset. 

You laid down again, curling up into his side and whispering 'sorry' before closing your eyes.

Feeling his arms wrap around you again, whispering "Happy Vwriggling Day, baby," is what puts a small smile on your face before you fall asleep in his arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eh? I woder how many readers I lost from not updatin ahh- I'm sorry but I gave you all like 2 or 3 chapters extra? Actually, I edited it so maybe 4 so I hope that makes it up to you all a bit :3c


	12. A/N: I'm So Sorry

Hey, my little gh0st's!

So, I'm sorry to inform you all that this story will be on a hiatus for a while. This is for multiple reasons. Some of the main ones are:  
1) I have terrible writers block  
2)I have so many stories to catch up with  
3) School, stress, v many personal reasons, etc.  
And the worst news:  
4) I have unfortunately lost interest in Homestuck. :c

This doesn't mean that I will not continue this story, it only means that I won't be updating for a while until I get back on track of everything and I get all caught up and, hopefully, interested in Homestuck once again. I'm so sorry, I feel absolutely awful and I hate to do this. Hate me if you want but I just have so much to do. The lesson I've learned? Don't make so many stories at once or you'll get confused and mixed up and have a lot more to update and disappoint a lot of ppl. 

So yeah. Once again, I am so sorry. Thanks for all of the reads, kudos and comments; they put a big smile on my face every single time I see and read them. If I don't answer them, I still read them. It's not bc I hate you or I'm ignoring you, I probably just never got around to answering it, didn't know how to reply or something else. It is NOT bc I hate you or thought your question is stupid; no ones is and I love you all <3  
I hope to see all of you soon and I'll be back. I may have lost interest in Homestuck but I can never forget it or leave it forever. More or less, I am still attached to the characters and my stories that I've written with them and I could never just leave them all behind them. Not so much the comic since it's been ruined for me by friends several times but I'm not done with my stories yet. 

I'll be uploading an ending chapter (It'll hopefully be VERY long) just in case I don't update any time soon. Goodness, it feels like I'm leaving a part of me here, I don't know how to describe it- like a huge loss... 

Until then,  
~Cole  
xoxox

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My new pseud is Gh0stPr1nc3 and I'll probably be using it more often just in case you wanted to read more of my fics. I update more on Wattpad btw :/


	13. I'm back!

Yup, I'm back!! :D Well, I've been back, on Wattpad that is haha. Sorry for never updating on here but I have quite a few stories and chapters to upload here on AO3 so yeah, get ready for that. A lot of things and drama has happened while I've been gone so I guess that's an excuse. I won't really go into detail since no one wants to hear it but here are a few more chapters!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Btw, drama means pricks telling my mom and dad I'm, one of the things that has happened, transgender and have a girlfriend. Everything has been so terrible but it's going smooth for now :)


	14. Finding Out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry they're so OOC :'( Also, I feel as if I've been and still am romanticizing Kankri being depressed and self harm issues and I just?? I'm sorry, I'm not meaning to and I'm trying to keep it away from that. Any criticism is always welcome!

»KANKRI'S POV

You awoke to the silence of your hive, it sounding seemingly as if it were a ghost town. You sat up groggily, rubbing your red, bleary eyes and stretching. 

You look to the other side of the platform to see that Cronus isn't there. You stood up, a dull ache in your legs, stomach and arms reminding you of last night's... Not-so-fortunate events, guilt rushing through you immediately. What would Cronus think? You didn't want to tell him but he was your matesprit and a very protective one at that; he would find out one way or another and you'd rather it not be on his own accord. 

He isn't anywhere to be seen in the hive actually and... It sort of worries you more or less.

Might as well go back to the respiteblock and sleep in... It's not like you have anything planned anyways.  
__________________________  
»CRONUS' POV

You growl under your breath, beyond pissed yet your violet eyes are filled with guilt and sadness.

When you woke up this morning, you hadn't expected to see him flinch when you hugged him tighter in his sleep. It had struck your curiosity and, to your belief, there was unraveled bandages wrapped around his arm; thin and shallow cuts littered all over Kankri's arm peeked through. It had made you nearly have a panic attack at first but you kept calm enough not to wake him as you checked for anymore.

They were nearly everywhere... He was doing so good! It's been a... How long has it been since he's been clean again? You know it's been, at the least, three perigree's, at the most four or five; you've lost track of time lately, it hadn't really crossed your mind much.

You reflected back on all the times you said you human loved him and how he smiled and said it back. How every time you kissed or held him and he just seemed so happy. You tried so hard to keep him happy. Keep him away from all of the pain that had nearly caused him his life if it weren't for you finding out. 

But then you remember when you were a bit younger. Maybe around fourteen human years you had scarred your arms and neck. You hadn't really ment to damage your arms so badly. Stress and anxiety, you suppose, had gotten the best of you and you had the terrible habit of scratching your arms up until they nearly bled. When you were maybe fifteen or sixteen you had tried to end your life. It was dark times back then for, well, everyone.

You had tried to hang yourself in your room. To your dismay, you ancestor and Kankri's had found you and called over Kanaya and Porrim to make sure you were alright after getting you down not-so-easily. Thankfully, you had only bruised up your neck pretty badly and it only affected your breathing in the slightest for a few weeks.

Then again, you hadn't exactly gotten over it immediately either and you know it would be no different for Kankri. 

He still had that look in his eyes everytime you said you were flushed for him. No you don't. Every time you kissed and held him. You don't mean it. Every time you told him he was beautiful and said he was perfect. I'm not good enough. But you meant every single word that you said to him. But he didn't think that. Christ, he probably thinks you're still with him merely to get into his pants and then leave him if you'd know any better!

'Is that what he truly thinks? Does he ever believe me?'

God, you feel like such an asshole. And when you missed his Wriggling Day when you had swore to spend it with him- you were an idiot. Knowing him- no. Knowing anyone they'd probably think you didn't care and just used them. 

You felt a tear glide down your cheek and growled as you wiped it away with the back of your hand.

You know that you aren't the only reason for him feeling this way. You may be a big part of it, but not all. Well, at least you hope as you throwing the lit cigarette to the ground and smash it with your heel to put it out. You needed to be there for him, even if you're still a bit mad.  
__________________________

You sat in one of the chairs, listening to him beg you to talk to him. 

"Please, Cronus, I'm so s-sorry- I didn't mean for you to find out this way I never w-wanted for you to-" He continues to ramble on.

By this point, you're no longer mad at him. You don't have a reason to be mad at him. You just know if you talk, you'll break.

You look up at him, your eyes filling with tears and your ear fins drooping downwards as you see him fall apart, choking off on his sentence and just walking out and into the respiteblock.

You stand up quickly, rushing to the door only to find it locked. 

"Kanny-baby, please let me in, I'll talk to you, just please, open the door..." You plead, holding back your own tears; refusing to let them fall.

He doesn't answer; silence is his only response.

"Kan, if you don't open up I svwear I'll bust dowvn the fuckin' door," You warn.

You won't really. You have a spare key resting on the edge of the door frame, too high for Kankri to see or find.

You still don't get an answer. He better not-

You feel around for the key until you have it in your grasp, hands shaking as you swing open the door and see Kankri huddled in the blankets on the platform.

You throw the key on the nightstand by the bed, sitting down next to him and placing a tentative hand on his shoulder.

You can feel him shaking, but he isn't making any noise.

"Kan?" 

"I thought you were m-mad at me..." He speaks in no more than a hushed whisper.

"Baby, I havwe no reason to be mad at you... I'm upset but not mad..."

He seems to contemplate on whether he should believe you or not, finally peeking out of the covers and sitting up. You see his lip wobbling but he's still not giving in.

"C'mere..." You open your arms up in an invitation for him which he immediately takes and sits next to you, pressed into your side and leaning on you slightly.

You sigh and sit farther onto the bed, grabbing him gently and pulling him into your lap, his legs draped over the side and blankets still wrapped tightly around himself. His head is nuzzled underneath your chin, gripping the fuzzy, black duvet tightly in his small, and still trembling, hands.

"Hey..." You hook a finger under his chin, forcing him to look at you in the eyes. "It's okay to cry... You knowv that, right?"

He nods his head curtly and sniffles.

"B-but do you?" He asks quietly before hiding his face in your chest again.

You would say that you were strong and didn't cry at all but, you were a blubbering baby inside. You cried a bit, okay? Is there something wrong with that?

Okay, you cried a lot more than that but not nearly as much as Kankri. You were determined to help him get through this no matter how long it took and showing him yourself without your walls up all the time.

"I.... I human love you, Cronus Ampora..." Your matesprit says for the first time. He isn't really fond of the humans or their terms but he loved you and you're human. Well, you wish and can afford to believe anyways...

"I love you too, Kankri Vantas," You kissed his cheek and leaned back on the bed, listening to his breathing even out as he falls asleep against you.

Tonight could have gone a lot better, but you think he might believe your feelings for him now and that's all you need him to know at the moment as you fall asleep with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for any errors! Also, chances are if you read a certain sentence or word and think "What the hell does that mean? That doesn't make any sense?" I probably don't know what it means either and I'll fix it if you come across it and point it out in the comments.


	15. Apologies

»KANKRI'S POV

You grunt in confusion as you furrow your eyebrows, refusing to open your eyes. All you want to do right now is sleep and never wake up. You were exhausted from crying and your eyes burned behind closed, red eyes. You feel as if you could sleep forever.

The slow rubbing on your arm differs.

"Cronus? What are you doing?" Comes out of your mouth before you can stop it. It wasn't necessarily comfortable from the way he was doing it but you knew he would feel bad about it later.   
"Never mind..." 

He's tracing the cuts on your wrist, probably blaming himself if you knew him any better. 

You don't bare to make a sound as you open your eyes, guilt flooding your eyes when you see tears falling.

You've really done it this time Vantas.

You look away and apologize, whispering it but he hears it, pulling you into his arms and holding you close, not talking or doing anything; just holding you.

It's a few minutes before he finally speaks, voice still quiet.

"I'm sorry... For evwerything..."

Why is he sorry? You should. You're the one that broke your promise and hurt him all over again.

"It isn't your fault, Cronus. I should be sorry. I did break my promise. You didn't know that I was going to do it. You didn't know what was going through my head because I didn't tell you. I should have been more considerate and told you rather than keep it from you. After all, what kind of matesprit does that make me?"

You kiss his cheek and grab his hand, the feeling of him tracing your arm distracting you.

The guilt has settled in something awful, your stomach flipping and tying itself in knots.

Why can't you just make him happy? You only seem to disappoint him. 

"Vwill you showv me the rest of them...?" He asks, reluctant to even let the words slip past his lips but it's too late. "Nevermind... You don't havwe.  
to."

"No, it's fine," You assure, carefully taking off your sweater and chest high pants, unraveling the bandages on your legs and stomach, the ones on your arms already having been done by Cronus.

He flinches. Flinches when he sees them. There's several going up and down your legs and stomach too, thin red lines nearly everywhere. You know what he wants to ask. But you're glad he doesn't. Right now you just want to forget this ever happened. You know that won't be the case, however, as he carefully wraps his arms around you in a hug, trying his best not to hurt you.

You want to cry when you see him start to. Silently but you still see the transparent, violet tears starting to flow freely down his pale grey cheeks.

Why is he the one crying? Did you really upset him this much? Oh god, it's all your fault he's crying, if you wouldn't have been so stupid maybe he wouldn't be so upset right now!

But then again, why would he be the one crying? It honestly should be you not him and- You need to check your privileges because you, Kankri Vantas, are starting to get angry at your matesprit when there obviously isn't a reason to.

You sniffle, running a hand through his loose hair, free of that human hair products he uses. For once, his hair is soft, the black curls falling into his face and eyes. He has such beautiful hair, you don't understand why he puts it back so much and uses so much product that it feels like stone.

"I'm sorry... So, so sorry, Cronus, I- I didn't mean to upset you like this but I did and I just... I'm sorry..." You whisper, afraid that he'll push you away.

Instead, he does nothing except clinging tighter to you and now he's shaking. Oh no, did you say something?

"I could havwe lost you, Kan..." He breaks the eery silence, words barely muffled from hiding his face in the bend where your neck and shoulder meets.

You want to say that you're still here though but decide against it. It is a possibility. What if you accidentally hit an artery or went too deep? Heaven forbid that you bled out?

You try putting yourself in Cronus' shoes, imagining if it were him in the situation that he found you in. You can't imagine him doing this doing himself, feeling what you have- do towards himself. The thought is nearly unbearable as you think of him covered in his own blood, body scarred with old cuts and now blood coming from fresh ones and- 

"Kankri? Svweetheart, look at me," You hear him over your thoughts, bending his head forward and trying to peer into your eyes. You're looking down at your lap, hands resting on it and fiddling nervously with your own fingers, twiddling them around and nails digging into your palms as the thoughts progress on.

"Tell me what you're thinkin'..."

You look up, looking into his eyes and he brushes the tears off your cheeks that you hadn't realized were there until now.

You honestly don't know why you've been crying so much. Usually you could hold it for weeks, sometimes months but now they're just flowing like a waterfall.

"I- if it were you that did what I d-did... How it would make me f-feel..."

He leaves it at that, not speaking after that and sighing heavily. 

After a while, he carries you into the bathroom, discarding your old bandages and replacing them with new ones the carrying you back into your respiteblock, laying you on the bed and laying beside you; holding you close and, by the looks of it, probably never letting you go.


	16. You Told

»KANKRI'S POV

It's been quite a few days since Cronus came across your little 'incident' and you haven't eaten since. You'd, for your matesprit's sanity, drink at least a glass or two of water as if not to dehydrate yourself and pass out again.

Wouldn't want that to happen again.

Today also seemed like a good day to try building up your appetite. 

Cronus had sworn to not make you eat more than you could handle. He would force you to eat as much as you can but if you started to feel sick or got too overwhelmed that he would back off and you could go back home. You want to try though. If not for you then for him you remind yourself. Cronus means more to you than anything, including your own life and if this is what he wants... You'll at least try. 

You'll make it through this he tells you. I know you can do this, you're so brave and you can do this.

That's all you need to know, that Cronus believes in you. He thinks that you can do this and so do you. You can break through this. Even if it kills you...  
__________________________

"Cronus- did you tell everyone?!"  
You ask, voice raised slightly in upset.

How could he do this? Everyone now knew about you having self harmed and not eating and, well you are somewhat offended for two separate reasons. First reason being that Cronus told them and second reason being that no one realized anything different until someone told them.

"Kan, c'mon, do you actually believwe that I vwould do that? Okay, I'm a douchebag but I'm not that terrible. Especially towards my matesprit or about something so serious..." He says as he goes to wrap his arms around you to which you pull away from. 

"Babe, I only told 'Tuna and Por, I svwear on my lovwe for you and if that isn't enough I don't knowv vwhat is... You havwe to believwe me, hun."

Oh, so he's going to use pet names too now? Ugh.

"Then who did tell? Nearly everyone I Beforus knows and now they think I'm even more of a freak!" You shout, throwing your hands up in the air in frustration, gasping in surprise when you hear a pained yelp from Cronus. 

You turn on your heel to look at him, seeing him holding his cheek with a hand, hands flying to cover your mouth when he pulls it away and you see a deep scratch on his left cheek, violet blood beading to the surface. 

"Oh-  
Oh my gosh, Cronus, I'm so sorry! I didn't-" You quickly walk into the ablution block and grabbing a damp cloth and hurrying back to where he is to dab at the cut.

He hisses through clenched teeth and you pull away.

"I-I am so sorry, Cronus, I didn't mean to, I j-just-" You're cut off as he puts a finger to your lips to shut you up.

"It's alright, just a scratch, I knowv you didn't mean it, it vwas ya ring when you svwung ya hand."

You dabbed at his cheek, the blood finally starting to subside.

"I'm still sorry..." You look down at your feet, fiddling with the hem of your flamboyant, red sweater.

"I knowv ya are," He laughs half heartedly, gathering you into his arms and sitting down on one of the chairs.

After a moment of silence, you finally ask, "Do you think Porrim or Mituna said something? Mituna... I don't think he would and I wouldn't like to believe Porrim would... Although she can prove to be the talker about everything that's going on in someone's lives..."

"Yeah... I'll talk to 'er, yeah?" 

You nod in agreement, wrapping your arms around his waist and nuzzling your face into his neck; a quiet purr emanating from your chest.

You're just glad it wasn't Cronus, he only told who you asked him to and now you knew who to ask. But you highly doubt it was Porrim either.  
__________________________

"Kanny, I'm telling you-"

"Kankri," You correct. You don't really mind, you just want to annoy her a little.

"Kankri. I didn't tell a soul. You know I wouldn't tell anyone without your permission and especially about something so serious like that."

"Then who did? I know Mituna didn't and you know he didn't either."

"Yes, I am aware. Do you think someone overheard? I'm not so sure but it is a possibility. You know how everyone is, especially Meenah, with gossip."

That strikes it. Could it have been Meenah? Okay, you're honestly thinking too much about this. Yeah, everyone knows now but there isn't really much you could do about it now, could you.

"Well... Sorry for accusing you. I guess it doesn't really matter now, right? It was nice talking to you; See you later, Porrim," You say your goodbyes before you make you way back to yours and Cronus' hive.  
__________________________

Cronus is sprawled out on the bed, fast asleep and breathing softly. He needs the sleep; he has had to deal with you for the past, well, all the time.

You quietly slip into the shower and wash the rest of the day off, relaxing and calming down, getting dressed before stepping into the kitchen and doing something that you haven't in a while. Actually cook your dinner instead of going out for fast-food and letting what you bought go to waste and rot.

That wouldn't smell too good, now would it?

So after a few hours- you had to go out to buy a few more things for what you wanted and you messed up a few time while cooking but anyways- you dinner is ready, Cronus woke up from the smell (he's such a pig but you love him). 

"You made this? Thought you couldn't cook, remember?"

"Oh hush, that was one time! Besides, you aren't one to talk, you almost burned down our hive!" You laugh, poking at the food around on your plate instead of actually eating it. 

He gives you another pout. He's such a child.

"Just eat your food, dork."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do you ever just get started on a chapter and then lose all of your ideas right in the middle of writing it? Bc I do that a lot and I feel terrible so sorry if all of this random- well, I don't think the beginning was but then afterwards it just went ughh. Anyways, get ready for the drama later on :/ Also, who else thought the title sounded a bit childish bc I did


	17. Help

CRONUS POV

You wrapped your arms around Kankri's waist. It's been a few days since- you swear it was Meenah who overheard and ran off with the info- everyone found out. 

Kankri's eating a lot more than he has been in the past few months and has actually put on a couple, well needed, pounds. Not too much, but it's a start.

He not sleeping well though and you don't think there's one night or day he hasn't gone without throwing up from forcing himself to eat. He didn't eat much but it's from that reason that the simplest of foods that can cause him to go into that state. It's straining his stomach something awful and he hasn't been getting much sleep because of it either.

His hunger and thoughts keep him laying awake at night, contemplating a lot of things and, without a doubt, thinking about things that made him relapse and start this terrible depression to begin with.

You'd offered to take him to a therapist, try to get him more help than you were giving because he can't just live like this. He needs to be happy and not for you. For himself. You can't be happy knowing he isn't.

You haven't seen him smile or laugh for quite a while, nothing seems to make him happy anymore. He won't even react to you trying to get into his pants anymore. You don't really try, it's more like teasing him about doing it or making your usual, inappropriate jokes. He usually just gives you a him of acknowledgement and leans into your arms when you pull him towards you.

He's silent, paler than ever, like a statue and at this point, you're afraid nothing will help him anymore.

He's like a fucking zombie! He looks and acts like he's dead and lost out of his mind and in a-whole-nother universe. If it weren't for him blinking, breathing or asking you the simplest questions to help him with small things, you'd probably thing he was dead.

You want to fix him. Fix him, make him happy again, talk on and on about shit no one cares about but you listen to him anyways because you care so much about this damn troll that you care enough that you want to listen. You want him to laugh; to smile. You want your old Kankri back.

He's agreed to you with going to see a therapist. He wants to get better just as much as you do. And you know he can't help himself be happy and get better unless, he himself, wants to.  
________________________

KANKRI'S POV

You don't like this one bit. You know you said that you could do this, that you could handle explaining these things but as soon as you try to speak, it feels like your throat is dry and you just can't. 

You therapist is Aranea. You don't quite like her. There's nothing wrong with her! No, she's never done anything, that you know about, terrible but you've heard a lot of rumors. Cronus was told to stay out and wait. He didn't like the sound of it and neither did you but listens to his orders regardless. 

She's fairly nice, very stern yet calm and quiet. She says she merely wants the best for you as well. You'd scoffed at that and rolled your eyes. No one ever seems to care until they've seen what's wrong. 

"Kankri. You have to tell me everything or I can't help; I know you're lying to me."

God, you've never had such and urge to yell at someone or any other action of rage but this woman is really beginning to piss you off. 

You know she's only here to help but... You don't want to get help from a complete stranger. You guess you don't really have much of a choice seeing as you're already here. You could just get up and leave, tell Cronus to just take you back to your hive and not answer his questions but that wouldn't go well for anyone.

"Yes, I'm very aware, I'm just..." You begin to speak in a snarky tone but pause and let out a deep breath. "I'm sorry... I just don't feel comfortable with speaking to someone about something on such a personal level when I don't even know them. I know you're name and occupation but not much more than that. I really am sorry if I sound like such a... Brat- I'm just really uneasy about talking to strangers in general."

You expect her to yell at you- well, not tell but at least be fed up with you and tell you she'll just give up. Instead, she gives you a warm smile and puts her clipboard down.

"Would it be better if I tell you more about myself first then? We could skip today's session and just get to know each other a little more. Is that alright with you?"

You nod your head yes, feeling a bit guilty about the situation but you agree anyways. Hopefully you'll feel a bit more at ease.  
__________________________

After a while, her watch beeps as a reminder that your time is off and probably time to go on to the next person.

"Well, Kankri, it was very nice talking with you and I'll see you... Next month? Hmm, two weeks it is then!" She scribbles a few things down on her clipboard, puts it back down to stand up and shake your hand and show you out to the lobby.

That went by a lot better than you had expected to be quite honest. She seems very nice and you actually look forward to seeing her next month.

"You read ta go, babe? She didn't do or say anythin' to hurt ya, right? 'Cause they aren't gonna like me if they hurt my-"

"Cronus, calm down. She was rather nice. Nicer than expected actually."

He leaves it at that and wraps an arm around your waist, walking with you out to his two-wheeled motor vehicle. He says it's called a motorcycle but yeah, no, you don't like to call it that and stick with your term instead.

So, you didn't really get the help you needed but you suppose you will soon enough. For now, you know you have someone you can trust to talk about these things.


	18. Our Little Secret (Warning)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I got a rather... Terrible idea for this in the middle because I was reading a fic and yeah... I nearly screamed from flipping out but it's all good. Just not for you guys, sorry. WARNING: Brief mentions of rape so please be cautious if that triggers you! I won't put in details and shiz because rape disgusts me to no end and nope; it's not gonna happen. 
> 
> I feel like I'm romanticizing this shit and I absolutely hate it ughh.

KANKRI'S POV 

You were wrong to trust her. You knew there was something off about her as soon as you sat down in the uncomfortable plastic chair for your next therapy session. If looks could kill, you'd have been brutally murdered on the spot.

"So... Want to get to know a little more about me?" She purred out, clipboard haven never been picked up to begin with since you entered the room.

"I-I suppose?" Probably the wrong answer you didn't want to give. Perfect in hers but absolute tragedy for you.

She moves over to the door, locks the door shut with a soft click and smiles at you.

You try to move but you're restrained. She has mind powers, shit.

"I am absolutely infatuated with you. Physically- not so much, but mentally- definitely," She says as she climbs into your lap, legs resting on either side of you and hands coming down to rest on your shoulders.

She leans in close to your face, lips nearly millimeters from your own as she whispers;

"I'm going to have a lot of fun with you," She licks her lips, starting to press kisses to your neck and grind her hips into yours.

You can feel her grin against your neck and you don't want to know what she has planned. You want to scream and get away from her. Want to shove her away and go back to Cronus. This isn't what you wanted- this isn't anything anyone would want. 

So much for trusting someone. You knew this wasn't a good idea.

__________________________

Your eyes are red and puffy from crying. Although silent, the tears still flowed freely. You yanked your clothes on, fixed your hair and wiped away the tears. Steadying your breath and trying to calm yourself down as if not to alert Cronus or anyone else. 

'You need to tell him,' You think to yourself as you walk back out to the lobby where Cronus is seated. 

Just because you want to tell him doesn't mean you can. She warned you. She told you if you told anyone that it'd be the last. It's a cliché saying but you wouldn't put it past her. After what she just did back there, you just know she's capable of doing worse.

Cronus grabs your shaking hand, rubbing comforting circles into it and shooting you a curious glance.

"You alright, Kan?"

"I'm not okay, but it'll be okay," You force a small smile, ignoring his frown as you make your way back to your hive with him.  
__________________________

"Kankri, vwhat the fuck happened today? You vwon't talk, eat- anythin'! You're acting like a fucking ghost, like nothing exists!" You raises his voice, sitting down on the couch beside you.

"Cronus. Do you think just a few trips to therapy and I'm going to be automatically happy and healed of this? Do you think that just because that I have you, is going to make everything that's hurting me disappear? No, it won't. I wish it did. I really wish that someone you're flushed for would just make everything better but it doesn't. Just because you have someone doesn't mean everything's going to be okay again. So stop yelling at me about i and just go to sleep."

"I don't need to sleep, you do. Nowv, tell me vwhat happened," he pushes.

His voice is stern and you know he isn't going to let up on the subject. You want to tell him so badly. You want to cry and make him hold you and never let you go or slip from his arms ever again.

"-kay, Kanny?" You hear the ending of his sentence and realize the tears are already falling. Dammit.

He pulls you into a sitting position and scoots closer to you, sides pressed together and arm wrapped around you waist and you can't muffle the sob that comes from your mouth in time. That seems to be the end of talking for now as he pulls you into his lap and holds you tightly to his chest, slowly rocking you back and forth, trying to calm you down.

You can't stop the choked noise slipping past your lips and the red, translucent tears that are pouring down your cheeks and onto the shoulder and neck of your matesprit.

You feel like utter shit for ever dragging him into your life. He deserves so much better than you and you want him to have better. Maybe them he could have someone happy instead of so god damned depressed like you.

The seadweller doesn't utter a word, letting out quiet 'shh' noises and rubbing small circles into your back as he holds you tightly to him.

Eventually, you eventually slow and even our your breathing enough to calm down; stop crying and start to relax against the other.

Cronus leans back, the arm of the chair propping him up as he lets you lay atop of him, arms still wrapped tightly around you; he isn't going to be letting go any time soon.

After a while longer he speaks up again, still cradling you in his arms and you're glad he's calmed down now because if you tell him what happened- he would be on a murdering rampage.

"Do you feel like telling me now...?" He asks, voice much quieter than before.

You nod your head yes against his chest, hands clutching the thin white of his shirt and shaking again. You honestly can't help it; you're so fucking scared to do this. The. Again, who wouldn't be?

"Never let me go... Please," You try to not sound like you're going to cry but you can't help the whimper at the end of your sentence.

"I promise, I vwon't. Vwhat happened? Did Aranea do somethin'?"

You freeze up at the mention of her name.

Maybe this was a bad idea after all. Cronus wasn't going to like this and you already didn't. What if Aranea really did hurt you more? You weren't going back, that was for sure but is it possible she could find you? 

"Y-yes... She um..." You stutter out. You don't know how to tell him. 

"She did vwhat, Kankri?"

You know he's upset now. He may not know what she did but he knows someone did something to hurt you again and that's enough to piss him off.

He tightens his arm around you, chin resting on your head between the space of your horns.

"She t-touched..." God, you can't do this. You try to pull away, get away from him and hide in me of the room until you're all cried out.

He doesn't let you though, you know he wouldn't and it makes you smile in the slightest before you just bury yourself in his chest again.

"Vwhatdya mean she 'touched' you? Like-"

"What the hell do you think I mean, Cronus?! She touched me!" You shout.

He grabs you by the shoulders, pushing you back enough and bending his head slightly to peer into your eyes, trying to make sure you aren't fucking with him. Honestly, why would you? Someone that jokes about this shit happening is an idiot and needs to seriously get their priorities straight.

"She did more than just touch you, didn't she."

It isn't a question, it's a fact but you nod your head in agreement anyways, shaking harder than before.

"God, babe, I'm so sorry I had no fucking idea-" He starts but you cut him off with a finger to his lips.

"Don't d-do anything, please," Your voice his cracking as you speak, breaking as you feel his eyes on you. "She'll just hurt me for even t-telling you..."

"She vwon't lay a finger on you or I'll cut off evwery single finger she has. You aren't going back there. I'll help you as much as I can until you're happy again; I'll do vwhatevwer it takes, yeah, svweetheart? I promise..."

"I know you do." But that doesn't make it true.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember, rape is never the victims fault and it never will be. It doesn't matter if the victim and/or rapist is a man or women, it doesn't matter if you've gone around running naked in the streets; nothing is an excuse for rape, and no one is ever 'asking for it' unless stated specifically and clearly to your face. No means no, not a twisted way of yes.
> 
> I've never been raped but I have been molested and sexually harassed by another guy at school and he's threatened to rape me so yeah. I didn't ask for even that tiny shit to happen. The school did nothing about it no matter how many times I reported exactly what he did/said to me. That is one of the reasons I'm scared to go to school. I'm terribly sorry if this part of the story was in any way triggering, from further on I will not be adding any more rape scenes. Thank you for reading and I'll see you next chapter!


End file.
